Bullying could lead a kid to feel terrified, embarrassed, angry, hurt, ashamed, and even isolated. It might occur at school, in social networks, within the group of friends, while participating in various events or whenever a child feels being victimized.
And there is one thing that is crucial to understand: bullying is never about the victim.
Handling bullying has nothing to do with fighting or dealing with it all by yourself. It implies learning how to protect oneself from any kind of harm, how to react in an adequate manner, how to leave and inform an adult person about a situation, and receive necessary bullying assistance.
When it comes to parents and other adults, their job is not to panic and rush things. It is to listen to the kid, provide necessary support, document the case, and cooperate with competent authorities.
While all arguments, rude comments, or relationship issues among kids and teenagers cannot be called bullying, sometimes conflicts between students may become bullying because of repetition and intentional behavior behind actions and words.
Bullying is a kind of repeated, intentional behavior, which is intended to cause pain to another person in a physical, emotional, social, or cyber manner. Such kind of behavior involves some power imbalance and may include some physical strength, popularity, and social influence, which gives advantages to one kid or group of kids over the other one.
Some common types of bullying are the following:
The awareness of the difference allows for appropriate responses from the adult. If there is only one incident, then discussion and problem-solving would be required. With bullying, more serious measures must be taken.
First and foremost, when dealing with bullies, safety becomes a priority. Being calm is different from tolerating the situation because it prevents further escalation on the part of the bully.
One can employ a clear and concise statement such as:
The purpose is neither to start an argument nor to be assertive but to demonstrate strength and security in order to proceed to safety.
Leaving is also a good tactic. Leaving is not a demonstration of cowardice. In case one senses danger, leaving the bully and moving closer to a teacher, friends, peers, or a safe place might be the best solution.
The final step would be informing a trusted adult. It may be one’s parents, teachers, school counselor, coaches, older siblings, or other adult people. While describing the incident, it is important to provide as many details as possible: who did what, where and when and whether it occurred previously.
Bullying tends to be easier to prevent when there is proof of what has occurred. This becomes particularly necessary when bullying takes place repeatedly, occurs without adult knowledge or takes place through electronic means such as social media or email.
Basic documentation should include the date, time, location, names of individuals, statements made, actions taken and the impact on the child. The name of any witness who may have seen what took place should also be noted.
If the bullying involves the use of the internet, then screen shots should be saved. All relevant information including usernames, dates, messages and images, etc. should be included in the evidence. The content should never be forwarded or answered to in retaliation or anger as that can increase its dissemination.
The psychological effects of being bullied may continue even when the bullying is over. A child may become anxious, lack confidence, withdraw and even feel scared that it might happen once more. Full recovery requires gaining back safety, confidence and a sense of connection.
Being around safe individuals remains one of the most effective coping mechanisms. A child needs to be in an environment where he/she feels supported. It includes good friends, classmates who are also supportive, clubs, sports and any other type of group.
Confidence can be practiced. Parents can role-play different types of scenarios at home and teach their children how to speak confidently, maintain confident body language and safely leave the situation. It must remain supportive, not threatening.
It is essential how an adult will respond when a child tells about his or her experiences with bullying. One should be ready to listen attentively, remain calm, and not do anything that might cause the child feeling ashamed.
Positive things an adult can say:
Negative things an adult must never say:
Parents need to understand that some children do not talk about being bullied and they have to be attentive to other signs of such experiences, such as reluctance to attend classes, anxiousness, depression, social isolation, unexplained bruises, missing things, trouble sleeping and eating, lack of self-confidence, and sudden aggressive behavior.
If bullying occurs at school, parents need to contact the school immediately. Begin your discussion by talking to a teacher, a school counselor, head of year or other member of staff. It is important to start the conversation on a collaborative basis rather than a confrontational one.
Parents need to provide the school with as much detail about the situation as possible and ask for advice on what the school could do. The safety plan may include increased supervision, a point person, safer routes between lessons, seating adjustments, assistance during breaks, or monitoring online activities of the children if bullying involves students from the school.
The most efficient reaction involves comfort and actions. First, one should listen and encourage the child to develop an action plan – discuss what would make him or her feel safe, who can be trusted at school, and what actions will be acceptable.
Dealing with bullying is not about being stronger, louder, or tougher. It is all about being safe, standing up for yourself, seeking help, and making sure that the bully takes the consequences.
Bullying may be devastating for children and teenagers, but with proper assistance, they will regain their self-respect and understand that no one has to go through bullying alone.
